I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
