Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
