ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
