just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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