I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
