I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
