I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
