mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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