I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
