I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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