Do you still have your period?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
