Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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