Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
