Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
