Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
