I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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