he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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