There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
