census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
