Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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