Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
