I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
