M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize