Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
