great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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