hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
