mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
