I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
