Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this beer tastes like vomit already
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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