I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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