her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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