Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
