Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Let's get the cat blown out
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
