Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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