I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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