i don't like sucking hair
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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