He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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