We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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