Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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