I wish I could punch you in the face.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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