I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
