Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
