I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
