I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
