Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
