im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize