He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
