what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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