Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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