bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
