You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
