Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
