I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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