I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
