and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Congratulations! We have a period
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