while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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