He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
