Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
