is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
