So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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