It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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