do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
