I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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