I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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