I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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