I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
