So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
why is half of my head shaved?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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