Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
