I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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