my phone needs a breathalizer
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
