It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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