Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
