Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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