Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
