i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
