Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
