my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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