I feel like I'm in dance class right now
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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