She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just found a bag of teeth...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
